I had to make a phone call today that I didn't look forward to at all... and in the end, it was all futile anyway... I only learned that I have to spend another day and night worrying...

I seriously can't take life like this for much longer... and it seems like I'm not the only one since all the world is self-imploding anyway...

Financial crisis everywhere, idiots on TV wherever you look... I think Germans wouldn't recognize humor if it bit them in their ass  (turns out: because they were too busy farting or laughing about a fart joke)

I meet nice people on IRC, but I also seem to lose track of nice people I met in the past... my memory is a huge leak and I can barely find the energy to get up or stay awake during the day...

Sometimes I find it really hard to believe that I'm still alive... my life has absolutely no meaning at all.. it's like I live outside of the world, they do their thing and I do mine... or I don't really do mine, because I'm depressed all the time...

Anyway, life sucked, keeps sucking and probably will suck.

And I'm so scared... I wish I just wouldn't care anymore. :-(

Like all good things, the winter holidays are a passing thing... and it seems like knowing about it doesn't make it any less depressing. I actually had over 2 weeks of free time to spend on relaxing, gaming and working on my presentation. But of course, it went as follows:

1. I wasn't really relaxed, because I wanted to get my presentation done and I knew that it was really going to be very difficult
2. I couldn't enjoy gaming at all, because I kept thinking about the presentation thing
3. by the time I finally got myself working on the presentation, I was too stressed out to really focus on it :-(

And the thing is: I knew that it was going to happen like this, I couldn't do anything about it and I know that it will happen again next year.

Resolutions for this year:

1. find a new psychologist and/or psychiatrist
2. get some work done
3. workout more or give up working out completely
4. finally decide whether I really want to still go for a relationship at all :-/

So, merry christmas, happy new year and have a nice depression.